I decided to indulge myself in pondering these thoughts a little longer, in writing. Tonight’s music on the keyboard has a subtle rhythm that is pleasing. Taking the thoughts of the previous post a little further, it feels like I’ve let go of something that once had value but today I cannot even answer whether it still does. After all, it is what has been silent for so many years – the old music – what I was looking for when I began writing again in order to find my word song. Its like a lingering remnant of an old and never questioned assumption, a part of the me that I was a couple of continents ago.
What will come has no guarantee that it will be as pleasurable or as good as what was but at least it has still the creative capacity to be made. What was is not possible to be made again or remade, I think, because the circumstances that gave rise to it were entirely different. What in between is obvious, the years of silence on the blog. So I make a leap towards the new, with the tottering footsteps of an infant who has just let go of the sofa in order to walk alone.
As I look at the first paragraph, it strikes me that the last time I saw such writing in a post was back in 2006 on this blog. This is a good thing. Its rough. Its unpolished. Its my humanity, my errors, my personality, my teh … stripped of all else, this is the only remaining means to communicate yourself in plain text. Us olds who sat on DOS 1.0 in 1982 waited more than a decade for multimedia digital representation of ourselves, and even that was only the beginning.
I think I will fill the silence for a while with such musings as a means to mark the phase shift – worm hole jump. When I step away from the table I am filled with a sense of peace – gently lapping waves rather than turbulent tsunamis. Whatever it is I am doing right now, its the right thing to do.