On the other hand

Enough time has passed that I must remind myself not to forget to continue my search for magic in the rhythm of my word craft, nor the music of the keyboard. On one hand, I cannot deny that writing and thinking deeply and analytically have begun to flow easily in a manner that I have not experienced with any degree of pleasure in quite a few number of years.

On the other hand, when I look back at the recent writing on the blog and the walls of academic text, I’m moved to recall my own internal journey of discovery that I’d begun a couple of months ago. I should not lose myself in scientific writing to the point where I’ve forgotten how to ponder and reflect as a human being.

In terms of progress, I feel that my vocabulary is still lacking and it might not return on its own. I’ll probably have to refresh my own memory through addition of vocabulary dense material. Right now, its Dorothy Sayer’s Gaudy Night, which is full of grammatical constructions I’d forgotten and word choices unused by the simplified English of globalized internet content.

On the other hand, more and more of my ability to stare into space and idly reflect upon things is returning, although a certain degree of disruption still remains. It feels as though the internet is settling back down again after the upheavals of the past year or so. Staying up late reading a book is also something that I hadn’t done in a long time, it feels like.

What this tells me is that I still need to work on disrupting the rhythm of my days and reconfiguring my daily habits – screen time, for example – towards creating more idle bandwidth for thoughts to expand and fill the space so created. Only then will I be able to arrive at a sense that I’ve recovered my lost self.

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