After a challenging few days of contemplating the digital lint in my navel, my struggle right now is internal but not personal. My internet public persona has begun waking up after a long silence, thanks to the warming flow of words breaking the ice of silence after a particularly harsh winter. She wants to opinionate on matters digital and virtual, and every idea for a blogpost now coming to the fore feels like a statement to be made or an issue to be analysed. It is this urge that makes me pause – a hard stop, one could say – and ask if this where I want the current to lead me like a raft without an oar?
Cliches would have us human beings as creatures of long established habits, mental ruts that evoke feelings of being in a comfort zone. Yet, ironically, is it not this very aspect of this blog’s persona that I’ve been introspecting on with my written attempts at thinking about the way I thought about things, the framework I crafted for my perspective and worldview, and the deliberate shaping of the narrative thema for the stream of content emerging from the RSS feed?
Have I solved the conflicts of my mind’s eye so well and framed the re-orientation of my internal navigation system that I am now called upon to pontificate or opinionate or otherwise circumlocute, as I used to do prolifically and vociferously when laying the foundations for this blog and website?
Or, has my word song woken up to the barest minimum required to trigger the long somnolent but as equally long habituated urge to connect some dots; analyze an issue; make a point; or otherwise share an opinion in this globally public digital sphere?
If you do not change direction, you might end up where you are heading. ~ Lao Tzu
The latter, imo, is far more dangerous and nuanced a threat to the developmental journey I began two weeks ago inspired by the magic of the Kalevala. If I do not pause to reflect on these ideas sparking now and unthinkingly allow myself to write on the plethora of topics catching my attention, I fear that I might end up almost exactly where I was when I began this journey late last year just before Christmas break.
Taking the decision to stay away from fast moving content streams, such as those categorized as ‘News’ or social feeds, was a considered and deliberate decision to walk out of the current avatar of the global interwebz. There is no hint in any of the content creation directions currently suffocating me, that pursuing them further to flesh them out on this blog will not suck me back into the very maelstorm of rapidly accelerating digital zeitgeist I am seeking to separate myself from in order to recover my own imagination and inner life. I stand at the edge of precipice. It might even be of my own making, or simply the momentum of old patterns.
She tests every word like a fine wine
She holds every thought like her last dime
You can hear a pin drop from miles away
You can hear a heart stop as plain as day
We live in a land where silence is king
Let me take a break from pursuing writing on the blog on a daily basis., and turn my focus wholly and completely towards the research and writing tasks necessary for my doctoral work. Then, if I perceive the need to introspect further if the magic of my words seems to be still missing, even when writing offline or on topics more mundane and methodical such as that required for an academic journal article, I can always return. For now, at least, I must deliberately attempt to shake up pattern formation and habit establishment before I find myself in deep waters that silence me again.